Independent Women

She doesn’t need anyone. She can take care of herself. The more she sacrifices, the more powerful she feels. If she doesn’t do it all, then it won’t get done. She’s an independent woman.

Myths

We all need somebody. By nature, we humans are social creatures. We thrive in community dynamics. We have our “odd ducks” who do better alone most of the time, but they are the exception. From the time we’re babies, we respond not just emotionally, but physically, to interactions with other humans.

The idea that either sex doesn’t need anyone is false. Mutually beneficial relationships can be key in getting through life. Having a supportive network of friends and family can make dark times a little less challenging and help make good times seem like great times. The real question to ask is, why would you want to NOT need anyone?

I have a bone to pick with the concept of sacrifice. Most of us have been brainwashed into believing we become somehow holier and worthy through sacrifice. Unfortunately women tend to sacrifice their self care. We all know the saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

It might be surprising, but there are those of us who are stimulated by sacrifice. These are your martyr-type. I have had many interactions with women who appear to want to exhaust themselves for some perceived greater cause or person. When confronted on possibly taking a different approach, they’ll defend their actions with vehemence.

I remember Oprah saying, years ago, that women can have it all but maybe not all at the same time. I’m paraphrasing, but the meaning has stayed with me through the years. The idea that everything is on one person to do and no one else can help get it done is ridiculous. However, there are many women who are holding up this belief. They relish in the weight of undue burden.

When I was in my 20’s I would instinctively flinch at the term “independent women”. It felt wrong. The words seemed like slur. I didn’t want to do it all by myself and for myself. The human experience is meant to be shared.

Now that I’ve aged, considerably, out of my 20’s, raised my children to adulthood and have been married for more than a decade, we ALL are dependent on each other. We ALL need each other. There is no trophy in the “end” for sacrificing your well being.

Life can be challenging enough without having to purposefully face it alone. Successes are worth celebrating when you can share it with supportive family/friends. Let’s lay down the “independent women” concept. She’s tired and needs a good, long nap.